At last week’s LAB meeting we did some art therapy by using magazine pictures and words to make a collage. We had some prompts to stimulate ideas of things we might want to try and express using words and pictures.
- What are you especially proud of about yourself?
- What are you the least proud of about yourself?
- Make a three-part collage that depicts you as a child, you in the present, and you in the future
- Find something in your pocket/diaper bag and have your collage tell a story about that item
- Tired? Take a few minutes to rest, then collage your dreams on the sheet of paper
- What’s your favorite color?
- Depict a feeling you experienced this weekâangry, tired, frustrated, confident
- Depict something you don’t feel comfortable saying in words
- Depict how you think your child/spouse/parents see you
- Depict how you see yourself/how you wish you saw yourself
- Your greatest fear
- If you could wish something
- I believe
- I wish I had never
- I regret
- I want my kids to…
- How I feel about my child/self/family member/spouse right now
- It’s not fair
- A moment of failure
- My secret fantasy
- What I did/didn’t do today
- What is meaningful
I wanted to try to do two collages–one positive and one negative. I thought I’d start with the positive one first because that would be really easy and warm me up for my soul-searching, dark and negative one.
I chose a piece of purple paper for my positive collage. Purple is my favorite color. I wrote “My Favorite Things” on the back. I grabbed magazines and started flipping through.
Then…I had a major epiphany. I was completely stumped. I had gone through three magazines and not found a single thing that depicted something that was one of “my favorite things”. It was easy for me to find things that Dan likes, things that reminded me of L, E, or A, but finding things to identify who I am and what I enjoy was completely eluding me. I started feeling tense, disjointed, confused, slightly panicked. This was supposed to be the easy collage! I realized, in that moment, doing that simple exercise that I have completely lost my own sense of self.
I did, however, complete the collage. Although I felt it was a bit sparse and forced.
Here’s my interpretation of my “Favorite Things” collage.
- I’ve been really into mochas lately
- I’ve always been into chocolate
- I think I’m funny, witty, and quirky
- The past few years I’ve started wearing red and love the color
- I use coupons, and revel in finding a bargain or saving money
- I’m most confident in the kitchen cooking
- I have always loved and still enjoy reading books
- I love to laugh and think my siblings and I comprise the main characters from Seinfeld
- I didn’t find a good picture of jewelry–I love looking at jewelry
I was disappointed. If these are my favorite things and what defines me, I’m about as deep as the thickness of the construction paper my collage resides on.
Then I started working on how I would define the things that make me struggle.
At the center of my collage is the word GUILT. I decided not to use scissors to cut out any of my words or pictures–I wanted to feel this collage–hear the ripping, accept the jagged roughness of what I was trying to depict. I really wanted to interact and grapple with this one. I found lots of words and pictures jumping out at me, I just ran out of time to put it all together, so here’s what I have so far:
- I feel guilty giving up and quitting so often
- I feel like my time is so limited, compressed, like the picture of all the clocks sealed in a jar
- I don’t take care of myself–”The average mom spends 116 minutes a day on laundry and only 7 on her hair”. I’m average in the laundry department, I might spend 7 minutes on my hair one time a week–and that’s on a good week.
- I let my kids watch tons and tons of videos rather than playing with them–and I feel very guilty about that
- I often complain, hence the “no blessings” depiction (which I know is NOT true, but my first impulse is to see/feel the negative, and I have to school myself to look for the positive in situations)
- I take medication because without it, I’m not too good right now. I don’t want to, but I need to.
- My house is dirty–I can’t seem to complete tasks.
- A drink helps me unwind after an especially harrowing day.
- Those last few lingering pounds of baby fat just won’t go away. And I have no desire or energy to curb my eating or exercise them away.
- Motherhood is the cause of my depression. I love my kids and they are ailing me.
Maybe I should take these collages to my psychiatrist visit in a few weeks? It would be interesting to hear his interpretation. It also might help prompt and remind me of things I want to express that don’t always come easily out of my mouth.
Thanks for sharing so openly about your collages. I am impressed with the depth of your experience and hope that it was helpful for you.
I’ve been thinking about your collages for the past couple of days because I related to them and your explanations of them so much.
Most of all I keep wishing that I lived near your group. Because I think it would be so reassuring to be with people who ‘get it.’ Who know that I ADORE my children, but…. they are both my making and my undoing.
Anyway. Just wanted to say that.
Thanks beingmade. My mom was a little shaken by my collages. It’s hard for people who haven’t “been there” to “get it”. SO, thanks for letting me know you’re out there too. I, too, adore my kids, and I love how you put it that they are our making and undoing. It’s a paradox, isn’t it?