Comments for life.after.baby http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com "...I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly." John 10:10b Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:48:09 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by lifeafterbaby http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2232 lifeafterbaby Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:48:09 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2232 Hi, Jim, Yes, ppd can definitely last this long. It took me well over a year to get through it. I can also tell you that marital dissatisfaction is definitely a part of ppd. So many women report being angry with their husbands all the time, and I was one of those women. Eventually, as I got better I realized what was happening, and I started taking steps to work through that part. It is entirely possible that this is what is happening with your wife and she has no idea. It is likely that she is thinking she is upset with you because of you. I recall listening to women at my support group talking about being angry with their husbands but never realizing that I was one of them. I was mad at him all the time but had reasons for being angry. Finally, I realized that my perpetual anger was due to my ppd, and I began to sort through it. The first place to go for help is her doctor, if she will let you. It is possible that her medication needs an adjustment. I would also recommend more counseling, maybe just for her alone. It may be helpful for her to have a place where she can talk about what she is feeling and be totally honest. A local support group for PPD is also instrumental. You say that you have talked to her brothers and father and they have not understood. It is not likely that they will, because men tend to have trouble understanding what women's hormones do to us. Is there a female she is close to that you could appropriately talk to? Just be careful with this so it doesn't cause further stress on your marriage. If she is unwilling to take any of these steps, the only thing you can do is be patient and keep trying. "The Postpartum Husband" is an excellent book, which may help you. I have friends who were in a similar situation - the wife was out partying and wanted a divorce, etc, but they are now doing very well together. The husband just kept trying despite the intense difficulty. Also, he let the right people in her life know, and they kept pursuing her. Hang in there; it will get better. Diane Hi, Jim,

Yes, ppd can definitely last this long. It took me well over a year to get through it. I can also tell you that marital dissatisfaction is definitely a part of ppd. So many women report being angry with their husbands all the time, and I was one of those women. Eventually, as I got better I realized what was happening, and I started taking steps to work through that part. It is entirely possible that this is what is happening with your wife and she has no idea. It is likely that she is thinking she is upset with you because of you. I recall listening to women at my support group talking about being angry with their husbands but never realizing that I was one of them. I was mad at him all the time but had reasons for being angry. Finally, I realized that my perpetual anger was due to my ppd, and I began to sort through it.
The first place to go for help is her doctor, if she will let you. It is possible that her medication needs an adjustment. I would also recommend more counseling, maybe just for her alone. It may be helpful for her to have a place where she can talk about what she is feeling and be totally honest. A local support group for PPD is also instrumental.
You say that you have talked to her brothers and father and they have not understood. It is not likely that they will, because men tend to have trouble understanding what women’s hormones do to us. Is there a female she is close to that you could appropriately talk to? Just be careful with this so it doesn’t cause further stress on your marriage.
If she is unwilling to take any of these steps, the only thing you can do is be patient and keep trying. “The Postpartum Husband” is an excellent book, which may help you. I have friends who were in a similar situation – the wife was out partying and wanted a divorce, etc, but they are now doing very well together. The husband just kept trying despite the intense difficulty. Also, he let the right people in her life know, and they kept pursuing her.
Hang in there; it will get better.

Diane

]]> Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by lifeafterbaby http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2231 lifeafterbaby Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:14:07 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2231 Hello, I am so sorry to hear that things are rough for you. The first thing I would tell you is that this isn't your fault. Adjustment issues are not anyone's fault, and they certainly don't indicate being a bad mother. Is it possible that your husband is becoming hostile because he does not know how to deal with your struggles? I know this is not the response you are looking for from him, but I can relate somewhat from experience. My husband tends to get angry and pull back when he does not know how to deal with the situation. It is difficult when this happens because that is the opposite of what we need. Unfortunately, it is common that friends and family do not understand either, leaving you feeling alone in your struggles. I would suggest looking for a support group in your area. You could call your ob/gyn to see if they have a recommendation or you can look up the Postpartum Support International website http://postpartum.net/. On this web site you can look for local groups. I know going to a group of strangers is awkward, but I can tell you from experience that it is so helpful to talk with women who know how you feel. Having that support is crucial for making it through postpartum struggles. I would also suggest talking to your doctor about what you are feeling. If you don't feel satisfied with the response, seek another opinion. I hope that things will get better soon for you. Please feel free to email me at lifeafterbaby1@yahoo.com if you need someone to talk to. Sincerely, Diane Hello,

I am so sorry to hear that things are rough for you. The first thing I would tell you is that this isn’t your fault. Adjustment issues are not anyone’s fault, and they certainly don’t indicate being a bad mother. Is it possible that your husband is becoming hostile because he does not know how to deal with your struggles? I know this is not the response you are looking for from him, but I can relate somewhat from experience. My husband tends to get angry and pull back when he does not know how to deal with the situation. It is difficult when this happens because that is the opposite of what we need. Unfortunately, it is common that friends and family do not understand either, leaving you feeling alone in your struggles. I would suggest looking for a support group in your area. You could call your ob/gyn to see if they have a recommendation or you can look up the Postpartum Support International website http://postpartum.net/. On this web site you can look for local groups. I know going to a group of strangers is awkward, but I can tell you from experience that it is so helpful to talk with women who know how you feel. Having that support is crucial for making it through postpartum struggles. I would also suggest talking to your doctor about what you are feeling. If you don’t feel satisfied with the response, seek another opinion. I hope that things will get better soon for you.
Please feel free to email me at lifeafterbaby1@yahoo.com if you need someone to talk to.
Sincerely,
Diane

]]> Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by lifeafterbaby http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2230 lifeafterbaby Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:03:04 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2230 Hello, I'm sorry for the delay in response. I hope that things are going ok since the birth of your third child. Have you talked to your wife's doctor? If not, that is an important step. The doctor might recommend medication, though many women struggle with taking that step, it is incredibly helpful for taking the edge off and allowing the mom to function better. Medication and appropriate vitamins, such as omega 3 pills are instrumental in recovery. I would also recommend reading "The Postpartum Husband." It is an excellent book for husbands and is a very easy read. It is in bullet format and has some very good advice. I would also recommend looking for a ppd support group in your area for you wife. I personally attended the group in our area and have found it to be so helpful. My husband attended once also and learned a lot. What I can suggest for you is to be patient with your wife and try to do what you can to help. If you can alleviate some pressure with household chores or other expectations on her, that would help. Also be sure not to pressure her to get better. Encourage her to take care of herself and make sure you take time to listen. Basically, what is boils down to is medication, support, and therapy along with patience and understanding as best as you can. I know this is intensely difficult, but as you know, you are not alone, and she will get better. Please feel free to email me at lifeafterbaby1@yahoo.com with questions, etc. I hope this helps. Warmly, Diane Hello, I’m sorry for the delay in response. I hope that things are going ok since the birth of your third child. Have you talked to your wife’s doctor? If not, that is an important step. The doctor might recommend medication, though many women struggle with taking that step, it is incredibly helpful for taking the edge off and allowing the mom to function better. Medication and appropriate vitamins, such as omega 3 pills are instrumental in recovery. I would also recommend reading “The Postpartum Husband.” It is an excellent book for husbands and is a very easy read. It is in bullet format and has some very good advice. I would also recommend looking for a ppd support group in your area for you wife. I personally attended the group in our area and have found it to be so helpful. My husband attended once also and learned a lot. What I can suggest for you is to be patient with your wife and try to do what you can to help. If you can alleviate some pressure with household chores or other expectations on her, that would help. Also be sure not to pressure her to get better. Encourage her to take care of herself and make sure you take time to listen. Basically, what is boils down to is medication, support, and therapy along with patience and understanding as best as you can. I know this is intensely difficult, but as you know, you are not alone, and she will get better.
Please feel free to email me at lifeafterbaby1@yahoo.com with questions, etc. I hope this helps.
Warmly,
Diane

]]> Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by Jim http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2223 Jim Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:10:33 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2223 I am writing this, because I am at my wits end with my wife and she is at the same with me. 10 months ago, my wife had our 4th child and had post pardome, she was given medication and was much better with our child. She is a good mother, and always has been, however 7 months ago she came to me and stated she was not happy in our marriage. We have been married for over 10yrs and have had issues, but none that are marriage breakers, no drugs, alcohol, abuse or adultery. We have been thru counseling, however, she is so distant from me, she will not even agree to go out for dinner, movie, etc. We have slept in different rooms, since the birth of our child and my family is at risk. I do not know, nor do I understand, why all of a sudden she states she is so unhappy with our marriage. She is reaching out to old friends from college, going out with random folks she does not know, but will not go out with me or talk to me....the only thing I can attribute this to at this point is lingering post-pardom. I have spoken to all her brothers and her father and they are as confused as I. Can post-pardom last this long? How can I try and get her help? Have you ever seen signs like mine where it lingers for 7 months and destroys a marriage? Any advice, help would be appreciated... Thanks, Jim I am writing this, because I am at my wits end with my wife and she is at the same with me. 10 months ago, my wife had our 4th child and had post pardome, she was given medication and was much better with our child. She is a good mother, and always has been, however 7 months ago she came to me and stated she was not happy in our marriage. We have been married for over 10yrs and have had issues, but none that are marriage breakers, no drugs, alcohol, abuse or adultery. We have been thru counseling, however, she is so distant from me, she will not even agree to go out for dinner, movie, etc. We have slept in different rooms, since the birth of our child and my family is at risk. I do not know, nor do I understand, why all of a sudden she states she is so unhappy with our marriage. She is reaching out to old friends from college, going out with random folks she does not know, but will not go out with me or talk to me….the only thing I can attribute this to at this point is lingering post-pardom. I have spoken to all her brothers and her father and they are as confused as I. Can post-pardom last this long? How can I try and get her help? Have you ever seen signs like mine where it lingers for 7 months and destroys a marriage? Any advice, help would be appreciated…

Thanks,

Jim

]]> Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by Sima Wallin http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2202 Sima Wallin Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:46:26 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2202 I have a 32 months old son and a 2 week old doughter. The first year after my son was born I had a really hard time adjusting to the new life we had. I never was a bad mother for a day but my relationship with my parents,friends and even with my husband became very difficult. I felt they do not understand me and support me enough. That was especially paiful with my husband. We almost split. Slowly things came back to normal and i consider we have a healthy relationship. Now 3 years later I start to have the same problems with him again- he is hostile, do not help me enough, do not understand what I am going through. His only solution toour problemsistoleavethe house. I have just given him a beautiful baby girl and he says he hates me. It is like the same nightmare is starting again. I wonder is it my fault or his? I do not feel I can go through this onemore time. I have a 32 months old son and a 2 week old doughter. The first year after my son was born I had a really hard time adjusting to the new life we had. I never was a bad mother for a day but my relationship with my parents,friends and even with my husband became very difficult. I felt they do not understand me and support me enough. That was especially paiful with my husband. We almost split. Slowly things came back to normal and i consider we have a healthy relationship. Now 3 years later I start to have the same problems with him again- he is hostile, do not help me enough, do not understand what I am going through. His only solution toour problemsistoleavethe house. I have just given him a beautiful baby girl and he says he hates me. It is like the same nightmare is starting again. I wonder is it my fault or his? I do not feel I can go through this onemore time.

]]> Comment on LAB meeting Monday, October 22 7-9pm: “Natural Hormone Balance” by Stop Fibroids http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2007/10/21/lab-meeting-monday-october-22-7-9pm-%e2%80%9cnatural-hormone-balance%e2%80%9d/#comment-2137 Stop Fibroids Tue, 19 May 2009 15:24:52 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2007/10/21/lab-meeting-monday-october-22-7-9pm-%e2%80%9cnatural-hormone-balance%e2%80%9d/#comment-2137 Thanks for this great post Im pretty sure that many people are searching informative post like yours . Thanks for this great post Im pretty sure that many people are searching informative post like yours .

]]> Comment on A Husband’s Perspective on Postpartum Depression by Seabolt http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/a-husbands-perspective-on-postpartum-depression/#comment-2133 Seabolt Sun, 17 May 2009 19:09:29 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=247#comment-2133 Hey, THanks for your wise words. I am a father of soon to be 3 boys. My wife suffers from PPD, and the 2nd was worse than the 1st. We struggled with having a 3rd because of the major toll it takes on my beautiful wife, as well as the family. After my 2nd son the PPD lasted strong for at least 2 years. THere is no way my darling can handle that again. WE are in a different place in our life with faith, and a great support system, but we know the disease and how dangerous it is. I am looking for tested advise from other husbands that have been in my situation that did things that were a benefit to their wives and might have made the illness less affective or even went away sooner. You know what I am saying when I tell you, I am scared to death of the next 2 years (baby due in a month), for my wife and for my boys. Please help. Thanks again for putting together a way for uncommunicating men to learn from each other and make the life of their family better. God Bless Hey, THanks for your wise words. I am a father of soon to be 3 boys. My wife suffers from PPD, and the 2nd was worse than the 1st. We struggled with having a 3rd because of the major toll it takes on my beautiful wife, as well as the family.

After my 2nd son the PPD lasted strong for at least 2 years. THere is no way my darling can handle that again. WE are in a different place in our life with faith, and a great support system, but we know the disease and how dangerous it is.

I am looking for tested advise from other husbands that have been in my situation that did things that were a benefit to their wives and might have made the illness less affective or even went away sooner. You know what I am saying when I tell you, I am scared to death of the next 2 years (baby due in a month), for my wife and for my boys.
Please help.

Thanks again for putting together a way for uncommunicating men to learn from each other and make the life of their family better. God Bless

]]> Comment on Meet Fathers’ Forum Online by Bruce Linton http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2008/03/29/meet-fathers-forum-online/#comment-2107 Bruce Linton Sun, 03 May 2009 19:44:26 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=259#comment-2107 Thanks for mentioning me in your blog last year...I just found it...in a week or two visit the new updated website for the Fathers' Forum. If you would like a complimentary copy of my book or new DVD e-mail me an address you would like me to send it to. Thanks again for your comments... Bruce Linton Thanks for mentioning me in your blog last year…I just found it…in a week or two visit the new updated website for the Fathers’ Forum. If you would like a complimentary copy of my book or new DVD e-mail me an address you would like me to send it to. Thanks again for your comments…
Bruce Linton

]]> Comment on Keeping Our Kids Safe by lifeafterbaby http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/keeping-our-kids-safe/#comment-2080 lifeafterbaby Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:24:43 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/?p=392#comment-2080 Thank you, Mike! Unfortunately, I have not done much with it lately (obviously), but I hope to work on it soon. Diane Thank you, Mike! Unfortunately, I have not done much with it lately (obviously), but I hope to work on it soon.

Diane

]]> Comment on New DVD resource–”Breaking the Silence: Postpartum Depression and Families of Faith” by How to Get Six Pack Fast http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2007/09/26/new-dvd-resource-breaking-the-silence-postpartum-depression-and-families-of-faith/#comment-2070 How to Get Six Pack Fast Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:29:44 +0000 http://lifeafterbaby.wordpress.com/2007/09/26/new-dvd-resource-breaking-the-silence-postpartum-depression-and-families-of-faith/#comment-2070 I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you write about this topic. Why have you decided to write about it again? I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you write about this topic. Why have you decided to write about it again?

]]>