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//www.graduationandprom.com/Graduation_and_Prom/images/graduation_cap_felt_black.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.I haven’t written here a lot lately.

I’m in a tight and prickly spot.

You see, I’m ready to “graduate” from being a PPD survivor to attempting a ‘normal’ life.

It’s a wonderful feeling, riddled with guilt at leaving friends and friendships ‘behind’. Namely any of you reading this that aren’t where I am right now. Maybe hurting your feelings (unwittingly) in the process of going and growing.

I need to see if I can handle being a healthy mom. Part of that for me means putting my PPD past behind me and moving on. Healing. Sealing. Sailing.

Not writing on LAB every single day. Not attending support groups until I’m ready to come back to them after having a few years of successful “normalcy” under my belt.

Taking a big step back from my responsibilities with LAB. Stepping into a weekly Bible study that I desperately need and have no idea whether I’ll be able to ‘handle’ in the weekly homework department.

I want to try to live out what I wish for each LAB mommy friend I’ve met and made. To see you flourish as you get healthy, and seek new growth.

So, that’s why it’s been so quiet on the LAB scene. At least from my perspective.

But on a lighter note, I’m also afraid that every PPD friend I make will up and move to a new state out of the blue (Bobbie, Lisa, who’s next? You?)

So forgive me if you feel it’s been a long while since you’ve heard from me. It’s on purpose, but not in a bad way. I’ve been busy basking in health that’s not been marred by a “bad day” or “funk” for months. And figuring out what’s next for me and my family.

And boy, howdy, wait ’til I tell you what “what’s next” is…

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Because what I do all day doesn’t affirm me in the form of a paycheck, a thank-you, a ‘nice job’, or any other form of accolade, I am obnoxiously bragging about myself to try to overtly seek your affirmation and encouragement that I am indeed good…no great, at what I do all day. Which, to me, never seems like enough as the list for tomorrow always seems longer than the list for today.

Take today, for example. Just an average Wednesday.

  • Feed and dress myself and girls
  • Get myself, girls, and Jell-O chiffon to church in time to work in the nursery
  • Change myriad diapers, feed babies bottles, rock, hug, play with, and wipe noses of said babies
  • Eat lunch at kiddie-tables 6 inches off the ground with other nursery workers and their kids
  • Get 3 kids and leftover Jell-O chiffon packed into van and drop Liam off at preschool on time
  • Get check cashed at the bank–2 lollies for 2 lil’ girls
  • Grocery shop with 2 very tired and cranky little girls
  • Go to library to pick up ‘Northanger Abbey’ video
  • Get home, unpack groceries, put Jell-O chiffon in fridge, change Addi’s diaper, change into work clothes, change Elli into play clothes
  • Rake 3 bags of leaves from our front yard
  • Pick up doggy-doo in back yard
  • Hard boil eggs for dinner
  • Fold basket of laundry and put away
  • Put girls in van to go pick Liam up from preschool
  • Chat with preppy moms despite wearing Champion shorts from high school and “day of the African child” t-shirt and purple Crocs
  • 3 kids buckled in van and brought home
  • Use leaf blower to clean out garage and clear leaves from front lawn
  • Mow front lawn
  • Chop vegetables, cheese, eggs, and make amazing salad-bar for dinner, thaw homemade cinnamon raisin bread
  • Eat dinner, clean up, run dishwasher, eat 4 pieces of Russel Stover dark chocolate candies
  • Miss meeting I should have been at b/c Dan has a church meeting that trumps me (grrrr)
  • Move sprinkler that is watering front lawn
  • Bathe 3 children
  • Start laundry
  • Brush kids’ teeth
  • Turn off sprinkler
  • Read kid books
  • Tuck kids into bed
  • Empty dishwasher and clean kitchen
  • Call ICR and get in-home taste-test
  • Send out prayerlink e-mail, e-mail future-sis-in-law’s sister to see if we can combine personal shower/bachelorette shower rather than duplicating effort, e-mail Diane re: LAB this week
  • Make this list
  • Wind up sprinkler hose
  • Put clothes in dryer
  • Go to bathroom, shower and change in to PJ’s, read book and probably faint dead away until tomorrow when the list starts all over again with a vengeance

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