Keeping Our Kids Safe

Please attend our “Kids FREE Fire Safety Event” this Friday, January 16th from 5-8pm at Kohl’s Rivertown (1st floor mall entrance).  This event is “hands-on” and is geared towards helping kids learn and practice fire safety!  Free loaded goodie bags for all kids that participate (for the first 80 kids)!

 

Post-Holiday Blah’s

I feel blah, down in the dumps, unmotivated. I knew that Christmas was going to be difficult due to the loss of my baby. What I did not anticipate was the difficulty I am experiencing now, after all the hype has passed. I was so focused on just getting through all the family gatherings, and I set my grief aside, somewhat, to survive.  I survived the holidays, but now I have to survive the aftermath.

I am just tired. Tired of feeling down. Tired of dealing with family. Tired of having to see family members who don’t really know me. Tired of plastering on a smile. Tired of making sure that one family member knows just how much I appreciated their presents. Tired of dealing with the family member who refuses to accept my daughter and won’t put her name on her gifts. Tired of carrying these burdens. Tired of  having such deep sadness below the surface but not being able to get it out.

I KNOW that this difficulty will pass and that God will bring healing. He always does, but this time of sorrow is just so hard. I wish I could just sit down and cry it all out and then move on. It is hard to be patient with the process, but there is hope. I am thankful that I am not alone. All I have to do is cry out, and someone will reach out to me. God is faithful like that to never leave me alone. I know that every tear I shed and even the ones I cannot shed are not in vain.

On the other hand, I do have many small things to smile about every day. My daughter is a true joy. I love how she calls herself Ashie and is proud to say her entire name. I love her “Hip! Hip!  Hurray!” and accompanying gestures when she completes her bathroom duties. Most of all, I love her sweet affection and undying devotion. Her little pats on my back, sweet kisses, and telling me my hair is pretty bring me joy in my darkest of days.

I feel blah, down in the dumps, umotivated, but I will be ok.

Update

Hello, Friends,

As I write this post, I am happy to report that I am feeling better. I believe that is due to several factors: lots and lots of prayers that have been said for us, the meals given to us (these have eliminated much stress), rest, God’s grace, and my medication. I think another reason is that I haven’t really dealt with any miscarriage details for several days. Setting it aside really allows me to set aside my grief until I can deal with it again.

I am thankful to be feeling better, but many questions remain for me. I wonder if I am feeling better because I am really better or if the medication has just boosted my system. I don’t think that is true, but I struggle with that thought because I want to get better on my own or least with my support system and relying on my relationship with God. I don’t want my medication to numb me so that I bury my painful feelings and just go on.

I have been struggling the most in my relationship with God. Never have I experienced pain and loss like this. Never before have I lost my joy in this way. Even during my PPD, I was able to feel joy and know with confidence that God had purpose. This time, I know that God is at work, but I struggle to see his purpose, and right now this knowledge is only in my head whereas before it was in both my head and my heart. My heart just feels so empty even though I know in my head that God is near. I am trying to rely on what I know to be true and not on what I feel. My heart feels lost, abandoned, and empty. I know that I cannot stop with what my heart feels, that I must stumble forward and reach up to God, even though I am not sure why this is happening.

These things I know for sure: God IS good, even if I don’t feel good. I am loved. So many people have reached out to help and have shown such care that I must believe God has not left me alone. One day, I will be whole again, even though I am broken right now. I know that God is the Great Healer and that He will not leave me broken. I also know that God’s voice is speaking to me because so many comforting Bible verses and songs have been brought to my mind without my asking or trying to remember them. I know that is God’s whispering words of comfort to my broken heart.

As I write this today, I am crying tears that haven’t come out in a few days, but I am doing better. I am trying to do what I am supposed to, but it is hard to know what that is. I look forward to the day when the hurt is not so strong and the pain is not so raw. This journey is difficult, but I know that day is coming.

A Sad Day

Many of you may have wondered why the blog has been so silent. I have been unable to write due to my deep, deep sadness. Here is a letter I wrote on Oct 30 to some friends and family concerning our recent loss:

Dear Friends and Family,

 

I apologize for the group email, but this is the easiest way to give details on what is currently going on.

 

As many of you know, last Friday, we learned that the baby we are expecting has gone to be with the Lord. I went in for a routine ultrasound at 8 weeks 3 days pregnant and learned that the baby does not have a heartbeat. The baby passed away on Sat Oct 18, which was when I was 7 weeks 4 days pregnant. I know that many of you did not know we were expecting, and that is because it was so early in the pregnancy that we were waiting to share our news.

 

As of today, my body still has not passed the baby, and I am not yet experiencing symptoms of a miscarriage. The pregnancy hormone in my system has dropped, and my pregnancy symptoms are basically all gone. Now, it is a matter of waiting for my body to let go of the baby. I saw my doctor’s colleague on Monday, and he encouraged me to wait for the miscarriage to take its course, rather than having surgery.  Surgery sounds terrible, but so does passing the baby at home. I need some type of concrete experience to help me say goodbye, but I really dread what is to come.

 

God is sustaining us in both our emotional and physical needs. Last Friday, I cried all day. I just kept hoping that they were wrong and that my baby was ok. Over the weekend, I came to grips, at least somewhat, that the pregnancy is no longer viable. I began to realize that my pregnancy symptoms really were disappearing. Saturday and Sunday, I did not have as many tears to shed but felt more numb. Seeing the dr. on Monday was helpful because I was able to have some questions answered. I cried through my entire appointment but have not had as many tears since. Mostly, I am just exhausted. I think that being in limbo with waiting for the baby to pass has put some of my grief on hold.

Lee is doing ok but is struggling a lot too.

 

We have been blessed by the love given to us from the people around us. I am thankful for the listening ears, the hugs, and how people have been checking in on us. The practical help in doing our dishes and bringing us food has also been incredibly sustaining. These things are God’s love in action and are helping us to keep going.

 

As we wait for the next step in the loss of our baby, I fear what is going to happen next. I am nervous about the physical process and how I will feel about it. I worry about what caused the miscarriage and hope it won’t cause problems in the future. I worry about being forgotten when it’s really hard. Everyone has been amazingly loving, but I feel that the hardest part is yet to come, and I hope that people will continue to remember us in prayer and with practical help. I know that may sound odd to say, but it is a real fear of mine, and most of you know me well enough to know that anxiety is a problem for me.

 

Right now, we are clinging to God’s strength and comfort to get us through. I do not understand why God has allowed us to experience this hurt, and I have told him that. I do know that he has not left us alone in our pain and that he is helping us.

 

We are taking one day at a time and are not making too many commitments. We are trying to keep ourselves busy with enjoyable activities to help us deal with our grief. Please do not be offended if you call and we don’t feel like talking or don’t respond right away to an email. All of these contacts mean so much, but sometimes, I don’t have the capacity to respond. We are going moment by moment, trying to take care of ourselves and our little girl.

 

I thank you much for your love and support.

 

Diane for Lee and Ashlyn too

Since I wrote this letter, the physical process has started and is hopefully almost done. It started on Ashlyn’s birthday, which to be honest, made me angry. I lost the baby 2 days later. My body decided to let go of my little one at 10 weeks pregnant.

My heart is broken, and I wonder why God would allow this. I know God is good and works things for good, but I am trying to understand His plan. I am just so sad, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

A Comical Moment

Have you ever heard of “mobile phone dermatitis”? Apparently, some people have developed rashes after spending too much time on their cell phones. This is according to an article that was posted on my Yahoo home page. If you want to read more, follow this link:

http://health.yahoo.com/news/reuters/us_phones_rash.html

When I read this, I just laughed. How much time does a person have to spend on a cell phone to develop an allergic reaction? I can’t even imagine. Maybe the person who posted this felt we all needed some comic relief from the stresses of life. Well, it worked for me.

Whether it’s reading about cell-phone-induced rashes, laughing at something your children did, or reading a chapter in a good book, be sure to take time out today to stop and enjoy the moment.

Have a blessed day!

An Opportunity to Help

Many of you have heard of the organization MomsBloom, which offers free services to families with new babies. The leaders of MomsBloom are looking to raise awareness about postpartum depression with a fundraiser march at Metro Health Village on Oct 25. Pre-registration goes until tomorrow, but you can register all the way up until the day of the event. 

Please consider participating. Because PPD affects so many women, it is very likely that someone you know has or will suffer. Education is key to getting support to hurting families.  Here is a brief description of the event.:

Please join us for the “Out Came the Sun” March to raise awareness of Postpartum Depression

When: Saturday, October 25, 2008

Where: Frog Hollow Park in Metro Health Village

Time: 10:00 am (check-in begins at 9:30 am)

Why we need you: Approximately 400,000 women each year suffer from a serious postpartum illness, men can suffer from the illness as well. This is not just a family issue, it’s a community issue and it deserves more attention. Together we can make sure families get the support they need.

Featured Speaker: Nancy Roberts, RN, a registered nurse at Spectrum Health Butterworth Campus’ obstetrics department and West Michigan’s representative for Postpartum Support International.

$15 pre-registration (t-shirt guaranteed)
$20 registration on the day of the event

Family Friendly Event – Refreshments provided

Registration forms and additional information at:MomsBloom.org or call 616-828-1021.

A BIG thank you to our sponsors:
baby beloved, inc.
Jeff Tow Creative
MBK Promotions
Metro Health Hospital
Miracles Photography
Spectrum Health
Wilcox Chiropractic
Wyoming Parks and Rec

We hope to see you there!

Sara

This is a stroller-friendly event! Check out this link for more information http://www.momsbloom.org/outcamethesun/

Toddler = Dawdle

The official definition of toddler, according to Merriam-Webster Online is “one that toddles.”  Toddle refers to sauntering, which means to “walk about in an idle or leisurely manner.” I think the word idle is key. Toddlers do not move quickly, unless of course it is to avoid some parentally imposed task like getting dressed.

We all know this, right?

Knowing it and being able to deal with it are completely different. I have observed this idle sauntering and experienced it long before I became a mother. It’s funny how it is so much easier to be patient with someone else’s dawdling toddler and how it is even cute. When you get your own toddler and are trying to manage the “simple” task of walking out the door, this slow sauntering is anything but cute.

Here is a classic scenario for me. Wednesday night, I decided to go to the grocery store. I did not want to do this, but we were out of food to the point that not going would be more complicated. Ashlyn and I finished dinner a little after 6 pm, which means that we should be able to leave the house well before 7. This “reasonable” calculation does not figure in the Ashlyn factor. Sadly, I looked at the clock and figured that we would be leaving about 7. We headed upstairs for the bathroom about 6:30 so that Ashlyn could take care of business. We spent a maddening 35 minutes or so in the bathroom. She did her duty, so to speak, after multiple rounds of reading the same books, going potty, washing her hands, and then finding she needed to do it all over again.

Don’t get me wrong. Ashlyn did great. She is using the potty well, and since she is still learning, I can’t expect her to be a pro. However, after spending what seemed like countless hours in the bathroom already that day, one more half hour finished off my patience.

It is difficult to be patient with a slow-moving child when I have stuff to be done. So, I have to ask myself what is more important, Ashlyn using the potty or my getting to the grocery store a half hour earlier. I don’t think I should abandon my goals, but I am not going to spend all day in the bathroom reading the same books either. Balance is key but is most difficult to achieve. I think I definitely need to keep encouraging Ashlyn as she learns “big girl” things but that I also need to distance myself a little when I am losing patience. For instance, I have told her that I can’t read to her right now and have given her something else to do while she is sitting on the potty.

Also, praying for patience is a big help. Wednesday night, when I was at the end of my rope, I prayed for God’s strength and patience because I don’t want Ashlyn to bear the brunt of my own imperfections. Amazingly, after we got home, before I had to take her potty one more time, she began to stack the yogurt cups. Now, this is not monumental by any means, but it was sweet enough and cute enough for me to lose my edge and enjoy my daughter, so I felt that moment was indeed an answer to prayer.

The other key for me to remember is that this time is so short. Ashlyn is almost 2, and while this stage involves slow sauntering, it certainly also has many moments of sweetness and cuteness exclusive to this period in her life. If I wish these days away, I will be missing a lot of treasurable moments.

The next time I start to become impatient, I will take a deep breath, try to take some kind of break, and remember what a gift I have in the many moments with my girl.

LAB Meeting

I am excited to remind you that tomorrow is our first meeting of the year. We are finally getting started again.

We will be discussing how to deal with mommy frumpiness and how to feel better about ourselves. It can be hard as moms to find the time and energy to take care of ourselves. If you are like me, often I look in the mirror and end up feeling discouraged. In our meeting, I will be giving simple tips on how to avoid that. Of course, I will not be suggesting spending hours getting ready or making yourself up like a beauty queen. Who has time for that?

We (I) would love to have you at the meeting. Even if you don’t feel frumpy but just want to come out and socialize, please join us. You can always come because you feel sorry for me and don’t want me to be sitting there alone. Of course, you can always come for snacks! Please feel free to bring your kiddos and support persons if you like.

Come when you can, and leave when you have to. We are meeting from 7 -9 pm, but you don’t have to be on time, and you can certainly leave early.

I can’t wait to see you again and find out how things are going for you.

Have a blessed day!

Ask a Busy Person

Below are some thoughts from LJ. Right now she is very busy, which we can all relate to. For me in reading this, the cool part is seeing how LJ is handling all this busyness. Like many others, myself included, LJ has suffered from PPD, and before might not have been able to handle all this.  It is a blessing to see a friend be well and be able to handle the chaos of life. If reading this makes your head spin or makes you wonder if you will ever be there, know that you too will get better and will be able to handle the busyness of life.

Here are LJ’s thoughts:

There is an old saying “if you want something done, ask a busy person”.  I don’t think I ever really understood what it meant until this week. 

 

Being  a mom of a 4year old preschooler, and a 2year old I have recently become a taxi mommy, driving to and from school, stopping along the way to run errands- I have the kids already in the car, I might as well get something done!   I have forgotten how easy it is to get something done when you only have to tote one child into the store with you.  M and I have come to really enjoy our trips to the store- not really shopping, just looking at all of the fun things.  He tells me stories while we shop, and points out colors and letters as he sees them- so I guess while big brother is in preschool, M is learning too!

 

I have been spinning myself in circles trying to get things done for the fundraiser I working on for MomsBloom.  Yet yesterday, amidst all of the phone calls, e-mails and whatnot I managed to clean my kitchen, do 3 – yes THREE loads of laundry, vacuum, and even spend some good quality time reading to my kids.

 

Most days I am lucky to get a meal on the table, let alone clear the table or get the dishes done- and laundry- I usually end up waiting until my husband starts it before I accept the fact that it has to be done- shhh don’t tell!  And I can’t even remember the last time I got feel like I actually accomplished something!

 

I love making my “Things I’ve done today” list- it is so much less overwhelming, and much more rewarding than a “to do” list.   I am able to take the time to enjoy the little things like splashing in the puddles in the parking lot, or finding the 10^th red dot at our favorite store and not have to worry about things I think I HAVE to get done that day.

Mom 2 Mom sale in GR Sept 27

My friend Becky is helping organize a Mom’s Sale for this fall (Sept 27). These types of sales are HUGE in the Detroit area and they are trying to get them going on this side of the state.

They’ve rented a big room for the day and the idea is that a bunch of moms bring the things they want to sell all to one location. Each mom gets their own table (or can share if they want) and set up their own “garage sale on a table”. It’s the perfect place to get rid of the baby stuff that you’ve been wanting to get rid of.

It is only $25 to rent a table for the day, to help cover the cost of renting the room and tables. You are practically guaranteed to sell everything you bring, because all of the shoppers that come are looking for baby/kid stuff, and we already literally have hundreds of people planning on shopping.

Alpha Women’s center will be there after the sale to take any donations- so it’s the perfect place to dump everything that’s left, if you don’t want to keep the clutter.

Apparently, they’ve had an overwhelming amount of people interesting in shopping, but not as many interested in selling. So, if you are looking to clean out your basement/garage of baby stuff, or if you do crafts, bake, sew, etc. and would like to buy a table to set up shop, this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

If you’re looking for baby and kid stuff for cheap and can’t afford to drive from garage sale to garage sale, plan to come shop all in one location.

Check out the website for all the info- www.westmichiganmomssale.com-  there is online registration- so anyone interested in selling can pay via paypal/ credit card online or you can print out a form and mail a check.